Guidelines On The Choice of Marriage Partner

by | Jul 2, 2024 | Youth &Single

The Burden
The age of the youth is the age of crucial choices. Choices that affect his/her destiny in life and at old age are made at this segment of our lives. Choices made now are mostly irreversible. Damages incurred at this point are also irretrievable. Though life may lay ahead of you for many years, yet they may become useless and sorrowful years of struggle if right choices are not made at this time of your youth.

One of such crucial choices is the choice of a life partner. Since marriage is not a temporary estate into which you can enter and come out at will without any damage to your life, it then becomes necessary to take the utmost care and proper guidance from God, who sees the end from the beginning before making the choice. This being a bridge between where you are now and your future, we thought it necessary and crucial to invest some quality time of study on this matter. Open your heart humbly to receive instruction at this point. May the LORD who loves you so tenderly teach you in the way you must go and guide you with His eyes (Ps. 32:8).

General Introduction And Preambles

Gen. 2:18-25; Prov. 18:22; 19:14; Eccl. 3:1
Marriage was instituted by God. In Gen. 2:18, God Himself declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make an help meet for him”. Finding a life partner is good. A partner given by the Lord is an expression of His favour. You can inherit material things from your parents but it is only God that can give a prudent partner (Prov. 18:22; 19:14). There is need to trust God to make that choice for you.

God has a set time for everything (Eccl. 3:1.). You need to know God’s time for you to marry. Ever before you begin to seek a life partner, you must first sort out whether God has said it is not good for you to be alone. God spoke concerning the first man, He can speak concerning you. Pressures both inside and outside should not push you into an untimely marriage. As a child of God, God has a reason for bringing you into this world and into His fold. You have been called for a specific assignment to do a particular work, which God has before ordained for you (Eph. 2:10). Marriage is a means of doing that work and fulfilling that call. You must discover your purpose and focus in life for which you need help. Ask God what He wants you to do.

“I will make for him…..” God makes a woman for a specific man. It is God that makes. He made the man and the woman. Wait for God to make it happen to you. When He makes, he makes a fitting spouse. God has the dimension of your life and He knows the challenges that you will face in future; if you allow Him, He will make and give you someone that will fit into your life properly not only for a short while but for all the time.

Steps Unto Knowing The Specific Person

Gen. 2:21-23; Jer. 29:11, Ps. 37:1-7 

  1. The First guideline here is to ‘REST’, to ‘SLEEP’. God is our Father and we must trust in His loving kindness over our lives. God needs liberty to work on and for our lives. The principle of sleep is not that of carelessness but that of casting our cares upon Jesus.


Implications of Sleep – Ps. 37:1 -7

  1. Stop Fretting: – Stop being afraid or being anxious. Marriage is not for competition and you cannot make a good choice in anxiety.
  2. Trust in the LORD: – Release all your life on the faithfulness of God. He gives good gifts to His children. He cannot tempt you with evil. He cannot plan disaster for your life (Jer. 29:11).
  3. Do good: be occupied in the plan and will of God for your life (Gen. 2:19-20). Don’t just sit idle. Keep busy with the will of God. Live in righteousness. Don’t keep tampering with your life to destroy your emotions. Run away from every appearance of evil.
  4. Commit your way unto the LORD: – hand over the matter of your marriage to the LORD and allow Him to handle it. Don’t be set in your way; neither cling to anything. Hand over your standards and preferences to the LORD. Set up no idol in your heart (Ezek. 14: 1-4).
  5. Trust (Rest) in the LORD: – Release every anxiety in your heart and stop running helter skelter and looking here and there.
  6. Wait patiently for God to act: – Stand still and do nothing until God has spoken and worked on you and the brother or sister. Stop playing games.
  7. The second guideline is to allow God to work on your life and character to prepare you for a relationship. Develop a functional relationship first with the LORD (Rom. 12: 1-2, Jn 10:4). Present your body as a living sacrifice to God so that you will not be dedicated to other things. Do not conform yourself to the standards of this world. Do not allow people to squeeze you into their own mould. Rather be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Open your heart to Jesus and allow His word to change your taste.
    In proving what the perfect will of God for life is, you must come to a place of total surrender to the LORD. You cannot get into the perfect will of God if you set up idols and personal standards in your heart.
  8. The third guideline is to know who is marriable. As a child of God you cannot get joined together with just anybody. Some are marriable and some are not.

    These are not marriable

    1. Unbelievers: 2 Cor. 6:14, Josh. 23:12 – 13 Never consider anyone who is not genuinely born again for marriage. An unbeliever may appear good, gentle and religious but is very dangerous. A child of the devil will be controlled by him and the devil is not a good father-in-law. Ahab fell through unequal yoking and so did Samson.
    1. Divorcee: God did not ordain several spouses for one person (Gen. 2:18, 24). Anyone whose spouse is still living is not marriable. It does not matter whether they are divorce or separated.
    1. Backslider: Prov. 18:22; 2: 10-13

These are marriable

  1. A child of God from any tribe Col. 3: 10 11, KJV. LB. He/She must be born again and be excitedly following Jesus.
  2. Must be established in the faith and not be a novice Col. 2: 6. Marriage is for men and women and not for boys and girls.
  3. Must be weaned from parents and other relations. Gen. 2:24.

Knowing the Leading of the Holy Spirit

Cor.2:94, Ps.32:80 KJV,GNB,NLT, Rom. 12:2
The leading of the Holy Spirit in marriage will not be different from how He leads you in every other issues of life. As a child of God, you are entitled to divine leading. God does not speak to threaten or to make people afraid. Rather, He speaks to advice instruct, teach, counsel and guide. God arranges to lead you into what He has been planning for your life. The following are means of recognizing the leading of the Holy Spirit.

1) The Inner Voice of The Holy Spirit. It is your right to be led of the Holy Spirit as a child of God but once your mind is crowded and confused, the will of God becomes obscure. The Holy Spirit lives inside of you and He is not dumb. If your mind is saturated with the word of God, it does not take any effort to be led of the Holy spirit. The Spirit of God that lives in you knows the mind of God concerning your life and He would lead you from within. You however, need to differentiate between the voice of the Holy Spirit and the voice of your reasoning. If your mind is not renewed with God’s word, you will hear the voice of your reasoning and you will think that it is the voice of God.
Being led of the Holy Spirit can come to you as a spark – a glow which continue to grow with time. One of the ways to know whether what you are sensing is from the LORD is Peace (Isa. 32:17). This peace is an inner witness and a quietness and an assurance in your heart not for a few moments but every time.

2) Dreams, Visions And Trances. Job 33:14—18. God uses these to get your attention when your heart is far from Him. Dreams must always be checked out before being relied upon. Dreams can be very deceptive and the devil can manipulate this means (2Cor. 11:14). Subject every dream to much prayer until you get light and direction about it.

3) The Scripture (God’s Word) is also another means of being led. God can bring the scriptures to your heart in such a way that you understand what God is saying about the person you are thinking of marrying. The limitation here is that the interpretation of every scripture depends on the purity of the heart.

4) Counsel From Disciplers. The Holy Spirit may also speak to you through godly counsel of disciplers. This does not come to you merely as information; it should come as a confirmation. Submit your vision and revelation to your discipler to check it out.

5) Prophecy. This should only come as a confirmation of what God has told you before (Acts 13:1-3). The same goes for the word of knowledge etc. Simple word of prophecy may not be directional. It may bias your mind if it is the first indication of who to marry. You must be careful to test every spirit and see whether it is of God (1 Jn.4:1). However, God uses bits and bridle, hard painful experiences if you are not sensitive in spiritual things.

Proposal

The man should be bold enough to make the proposal. Prov. 18:22
i. The sister should wait for God to bring the man to make the proposal if she desires to follow the footsteps of the Lord Jesus Christ (Jn. 15:16).
ii. Proposal must not start by frivolous expressions like kissing.
iii. Don’t bring proposal at the level of intoxication and infatuation.

Christian Courtship

Gen. 2:18-25; Matt.1:18.

Courtship starts from the day the two confirm the will of God for each other (in agreement) to the day their wedding is consummated in the presence of the Lord. It is an important period for the intending couple for several crucial preparations in heart and mind for their lives together in matrimony.

1) This period is to consolidate your conviction. Courtship gives you an opportunity to confirm again your conviction.
2) It is time of understanding and understudying one another.
3) A time to seek parental release.
4) A period of learning from the Lord together what is the vision for your relationship In marriage, to plan the wedding and what the marriage would look like.
5) A period of amalgamating your different personalities and mind set together in the presence of God.
6) It is not a period of lustful expressions. Abstain from sexual immorality. Until you are married, you are not yet married to each other.
7) This period must be conducted in every manner that becomes holiness; if not there would be a lot of suspicion in your relationship even after marriage. Pre-marital sex and lustful looks are not only sinful but will also damage your trust in each other.
8) The period of courtship should help you to participate together in what will be the focus of your service for the Lord in the future.

Conclusion

This study is by no means comprehensive in the matter of marriage and planning for your future. We recommend that you take an in-depth study of the whole issue of God’s principles for Christian marriage before you even step into any relationship with anyone. Several materials are available to help you in this aspect of your life. Audio and video tapes as well as books have been packaged to guide you in this journey. You must not jeopardize your eternity in a wrong marriage. As good as marriage is, it is only on the earth. It is not eternal. Do not spoil your eternal estate with an earthly estate which will soon pass away. God bless you.

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