TEXTS: ECCL.5:5-6
“Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?” (KJV)
INTRODUCTION
It is a common practice in the church of Jesus Christ that all intending couples are required to go through solemnization of their marriages before they start living together as husband and wife. It is after the solemnization that the couple can proceed to consummate the marriage, thus completing the process of becoming husband and wife.
The solemnization, commonly referred to as Church Wedding is usually the last of the three major ceremonies that precede the coming together of a man and woman in holy matrimony. The other two ceremonies are done in a Court Registry and in the bride’s family home during the traditional marriage. (More details on these first two ceremonies are already explained in the previous lesson).
However, one major and distinctive feature of the Marriage Solemnization or Church wedding is the taking of vows by the two persons involved. Whereas the intending couple are not necessarily made to take any vow during the traditional marriage ceremony, and when collecting the ‘license to marry’ from the Court Registry, the taking of vows, usually administered by a Minister of the Gospel, is the central focus of any wedding ceremony. In this lesson, we shall learn more about the meaning, importance, and implications of Christian Marriage Vows.
MEANING OF VOW
A vow can be described generally as a solemn or deliberate pledge or promise binding on the persons involved. It is also an act of commitment, understanding, or agreement which two persons make consciously and are willing or expected to fulfill.
From this understanding, marriage vows can be described as a covenant entered into by a man and woman to live together as husband and wife under all circumstances of life until death separates them. Marriage vow is not supposed to be taken as a trivial matter. It has grievous implications.
CHARACTERISTICS OF MARRIAGE VOWS
i. They are to be made by persons who are of age — a fairly mature adult male and female;
ii. They are a voluntarily commitment; they are not made under compulsion;
iii. The vows should be made accessible to and digested by the couple before the day of solemnization;
iv. They are not to be entered into secretly, but openly in the presence of many witnesses and well-wishers in attendance;
v. They are administered by Ministers of God, surrounded by many persons and a cloud of unseen witnesses.
vi. They are sealed by prayers in the Name of God Almighty – the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
COMPONENTS OF MARRIAGE VOWS:
Christian marriage vows used by different denominations contain similar parts. Here, we shall glean from a typical wedding programme of the Foursquare Gospel Church, Okota, Lagos.
SECTION A: DECLARATION, CHARGE, AND PURPOSE
This section sets the context of the gathering and the reasons for the marriage institution. It concludes by asking both the congregation and the intending couple if they know of any reason why the couple should not be joined as husband and wife. It goes thus:
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of God and before this congregation to join together this man and woman in Holy Matrimony. Marriage is a holy estate, instituted by God Himself (Gen.2:18-25) Commended in Scripture as honourable to all who enter it lawfully and in true love (Heb.13:4) It was confirmed by Christ’s solemn word (Matt.19:4-6) And hallowed by His presence at the marriage feast in Cana of Galilee (Jn.2:1-11) And is declared by the great Apostle Paul as signifying the mystical union between Christ and His Church (Eph.5:25-32).
Duly considering the cause for which it was ordained:
. Firstly, marriage was ordained to serve as a platform for advancing God’s Kingdom on earth (however, it is observed that this staternent Is not usually found in most wedding programmes: though in my understanding, it is the first major reason the marriage institution was created, see Gen 1:26, 28; 2:18);
. Secondly, marriage was ordained for companionship, mutual society, help, and comfort which husband and wife ought to have for each other. For this cause a man
shall teave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they two shall become one flesh;
. Thirdly, it was ordained in order that the mutual instinct and affection implanted by
God should be hallowed and directed aright, that those who are called to this holy estate should continue therein the pureness of living;
. Fourthly, it was ordained for the procreation of children to be brought up in the knowledge, fear, admonition of the Lord, and to the praise of His holy Name. Into this holy estate of marriage these two (young) persons come now to be joined.
Therefore, it ought not to be entered into:
Lightly, (i.e. without seriousness and great consideration)
Unadvisedly (i.e. without thinking of it very carefully)
Wantonly, (i.e. showing complete lack of care)
But to be entered into:
Reverently,
Soberty,
And in the fear of God.
Therefore, if anyone can show any just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony, let the person speak now or else hereafter forever hold his/her peace.
To the intending couple: I require and charge you both as you will answer at the dreadful day of judgment when the secrets and motives of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if either of you know of any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined together in marriage, please confess it now. For know for sure that if any persons are joined together otherwise than as God’s word allows, their marriage is not lawful.
NOTE: This section of the solemnization is also meant to draw the attention of the intending couple and the congregation to the purposed objectives for which God Almighty Ordained marriage for mankind. And due to the gravity of the purpose, the ceremony can be discontinued at this point, should anybody in the congregation, including the couple, raise any serious objection that negates any or all of the objectives. Where no objection is raised, the solemnization thus proceeds to the vows proper.
SECTION B: TOTAL ACCEPTANCE AND COMMITMENT
The minister of God will ask the intending couple the following questions, beginning with the man:
Will you have……. (her full names) as your lawful wedded wife, to live together afte. God’s ordinance in the Holy estate of marriage? Will you love her, nourish her, cherish her, comfort her, honour her, and keep her; Forsaking all others, keep thee only to her as long as you both shall live?
Response – I will, God helping me (or by the grace of God).
The servant of God also ask the woman:
Will you have ……… (his full names) as your lawful wedded husband, to live together, after God’s ordinance in the Holy estate of marriage? Will you love him, honour him, obey him, submit to him, Cherish him, Comfort him, And keep him? Forsaking all others, keep thee only to him as long as you both shall live?
Response – I will, God helping me (or by the grace of God).
SECTION C: CONSENT OF THE BRIDE’S FATHER
Before the next vow is taken, the Minister will loudly ask:
Who gives this woman out in marriage?”
The Brides’ Father or his representative will step out, take the lady’s hand and hand her over to the Minister, who in turn will join the lady’s hand to that of the man who is marrying her.
SECTION D: TO LIVE TOGETHER TILL DEATH
Holding the lady’s hand and looking at her face directly, the man vows as follows:
I…………….take you……… to be my lawfully wedded wife; to have and to hold from this day forward in prosperity and in adversity; in sickness and in health; for better, for worse; in all circumstances of life; till death do us part; according to God’s holy law, and thereto I give my pledge (my troth).
The woman taking her turn also Says:
I……. take you to be my lawfully wedded husband; to have and to hold, from this day forward; in prosperity and in adversity; in sickness and in health; for better, for worse; in all circumstances of life, till death do us part; according to God’s holy law, and thereto I givé my pledge (my troth).
SECTION E: THE PLEDGE AND SYMBOLS
i. Bible: Here the Minister delivers a copy of the Bible to the man to continue with the vows:
With this Bible, I wed thee; with my body I honour thee; and all my worldly goods with thee I share from this day forth — In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the
Holy Spirit. Amen.
ii, Rings: Again, the Minister delivers one of the rings to the man to put on the fourth finger of the woman’s left hand and the man holding the ring shall say:
This ring I give as identity of our wedding, that the world may know that you are mine and I am yours – In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
The woman also repeats — “This ring …”’
SECTION F: PRONOUNCEMENT, PRAYERS, AND PRESENTATION
At this point, the man of God confirms their vows and pledge with this declaration:
These are no longer two but one. What therefore, God has joined together, let no customs, traditions, culture, law court, situational ethics, friends, parents, relations, couples themselves or any form of sociological tendencies, put asunder. I repeat, what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
For as much as this two persons have consented together in holy wedlock and have witnessed the same before God and this congregation and have given and pledged themselves to each other and have declared the same by giving and receiving of rings and by joining of hands, I as the Minister of God, pronounce that they be husband and wife together — In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
After the pronouncement, they kneel down, surrounded by other Ministers present, the congregation arises to pray tor the newly-wedded couple in the Name of Jesus. This is followed by formal presentation of the couple to the congregation as husband and wife by the Minister. Thereafter is the signing of the Marriage Register and issuance of the Marriage Certrticate.
IMPORTANCE OF THE MARRIAGE VOWS
As noticed in the vows highlighted above, the contents and wordings are very weighty. They are not words that are commonly used by people who have no serious and lasting stakes in the life of one another. Similarly, the vows are meant to:
a.Underscore the strength of the foundation on which the marriage institution was laid by God who is the initiator and designer;
b. Point out the seriousness which those entering marriage must exhibit, so as to caution others who may want to enter into it with levity;
c. The vows also imply that those who enter marriage must be ready to remain in it,
rather than thinking of getting out of it;
d. The vows also serve to test the integrity, sincerity, and obedience of the two persons involved as true believers in our Lord Jesus Christ;
e. The vows are meant to be taken by only those who have personal relationship with God, and whose ‘Yes’ is and will always remain Yes; and whose ‘No’ is and will always be No.
IMPLICATIONS OF THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE VOWS
Earlier, we saw the Scriptures urging us never to make any vow that will not be fulfilled (see Eccl. 5:5-6; Matt. 5:37). This applies to simple vows that may not require any witness. But as we have noted, the vows made during wedding vows carry a lot of implications. Let us consider the following:
I. THE NAME OF GOD IS INVOLVED
This is one vow that carries the name of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And anything that bears or carries the Trinity must never be taken in vain or for granted. (See Exo. 20:7; Lev.19: 12; Matt. 5: 33; Deut. 23: 23)
II. GOD ALMIGHTY AND OTHER HEAVENLY HOSTS ACTED AS WITNESSES
Christian wedding solemnization is never done in secret. And it is usually done inside the Church building where God and the Heavenly host are present, though unseen. It is such a high spiritual procedure that during and after the vows, the Spirit of God continues to hover around the couple as a witness (see Mal. 2: 14; II Chron. 16: 9b; Matt. 18: 20).
III. HUMAN WITNESSES ALL CONSENTED
Almost every wedding solemnization brings together many servants of God, families, friends, and well-wishers of the couple involved. They all act as witnesses in support of the vows. This more or less requires that the couple remain indebted to these witnesses by keeping to the vows. (John 2: 1-2; Matt. 22:2-3, 10)
IV. WEDDING VOWS LEAVES THE COUPLE WITH ONLY ONE OPTION
After taking the wedding vows, the couple is left with only one option: To be faithful and
keep to the vows for the rest of their lives. The vows leave no room for breaking either by one or both of them. (Mal 2: 14-15)
V. THE VOWS BIND THE COUPLE TOGETHER TILL DEATH
The marriage vow is a covenant of life till death do them part. No reason whatsoever is sufficient to allow the couple to go separate ways and/or get married to another spouse (Matt. 5: 31-32: 19: 9:1 Cor. 7: 10-11; Mark 10: 11-12). Any of them that divorces and get married to another person is automatically guilty of adultery. And no adulterer or adulteress shall have any part in the Kingdom of God (I Cor. 6: 9-10; Gal 5: 19-21).
VI. BREAKING THE VOWS BRINGS EVIL RESULTS
Any act that tends to undermine or break the sanctity of the vows by any or both of the couple has adverse effects on the partners or the marriage. Such effects include:
Unanswered prayers or closed heavens (Mal. 2: 13; 1 Pet. 3:7).
God’s outright judgment (Heb. 13: 14; Rom. 1:31-32).
Disharmony and lack of trust (Amos 3:3).
Open doors for Satan to strike them with poverty, sickness, barrenness, depression, fear, stagnation, demonic attacks (Num. 30: 2-3; Deut. 23: 21-23; 28: 20-23).
VII. MULTIPLE BLESSING IN KEEPING THE VOWS
When a couple deliberately works hard to keep the vows, God Himself will be favourably disposed to them throughout their marital journey. They will enjoy manifold blessings such as:
Stable, joyful, and a happy home (Ps.128).
God’s favours and answers to prayers (Matt. 18:19-20; John 14:13-16)
God’s unhindered blessings (Ps. 133).
Fruitfulness in serving God (EceL4:9-12; John 15:16; Gen. 1:28).
Freshness in God’s presence (Ps. 128:1-6).
God’s protection and victory over the enemy (Psaim 121).
NOTE: Every Intending Couple should endeavour to study the contents of their marriage vows to ensure that they meet the standard of the Scriptures (Ruth 1:16) before taking them on their wedding day.
CONCLUSION
Wedding vows make the Christian marriage more sacred and distinct from any other form of marriage in the world. The intending couple must carefully study and understand the importance and implications of taking such vows. And all through the marriage journey, they must not only remember the vows, but consciously seek the help of the Holy Spirit to keep them. In doing this, they will both honour God, who will in turn honour them all through their life time.
REFLECTION
Take time to go through the vows before you take them.
Ensure that the vows you take are not watered down or compromised before you take them (eg “for better for best,” for riches and prosperity,” “for health and strength,” etc.). The vows must be strong and realistic.
Be sure and willing to be committed to the vows, come what may, before venturing into marriage.
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